Thursday, 25 August 2011

There's a big wind coming

I've been avidly watching the weather channel (yes, 24 hours a day weather channel. In England we just talk about it 24 hours a day) listening to what's happening with Hurricane Irene. I find it hard to worry about a weather front with a name of one of my dinner nannies but it's hot news here and quite exciting for someone who comes from a place where it veers from quite windy to mild. I found a really useful article called '7 Steps to Protect Yourself from a Natural Disaster' on abc and I thought I'd share my version of these seven steps.

Step 1 - Prepare for Phone Interruptions
Yes indeed. There's nothing worse than getting caught mid flow so in case of disaster invite all of your friends round to your house for a party so you don't need to call them.

Ste 2 - Create a Disaster Plan
A plan is always good but make sure you know where you put it. I often write shopping or To Do lists then spend more time looking for them than actually shopping or doing. Perhaps get one tattooed on you in glow-in-the-dark ink in case of a power outage. 

Step 3 - Check Insurance Policies
Make sure it has an 'Accidental Damage by God' clause. 

Step 4 - Assess Your House for Vulnerabilities
I assume this doesn't mean my own vulnerabilities because a fear of spiders and heights can't be relevant? In terms of the house I would probably suggest you close all of your curtains so you can't see the storm approaching which will surely result in panic, and make sure the fridge is full of wine.

Step 5 - Take Video or Photos for a Home Inventory
Google Earth has kindly taken pictures of the exterior of all of our houses for insurance purposes. If your possessions inside are a bit ropey I suggest taking pictures of nice stuff from the Future Shop or Sears for insurance purposes. 

Step 6 - Consider Important Supplies
Refer to Step 4.

Step 7 - Shelter Considerations: Pets
Well for those of us with 3 big dogs I reckon that they'll form a pretty good shelter. For those of you with cats, you're stuffed.

Thursday, 4 August 2011

French Word of the Day. The update.

Some months have passed since I last wrote about my French Word of the Day, and things have not improved. Either in terms of my ability to speak it, or the usefulness of the words. Latest offerings include:

'to give away cheaply'
'forklift operator'
'to polish up'
'hard of hearing'

Not really likely to help me unless I get a new circle of friends.

Tuesday, 2 August 2011

Is It OK If I Swear?

Good. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. And twat. 
I have had a blessed life filled with love and life, laughter...... and fucking bitches. Just two of them. That's two more than anyone deserves.
Bitch No.1  - lying, gossiping, manipulative, extraordinarily ugly cowbag. 
Bitch No. 2 - lying, gossiping, manipulative, extraordinarily dwarfish cowbag.
Almost twins, although on different continents. Each with the ability to boil my blood and make me swear Tourette-like. All the fucking time. 
Anyone who knows me knows at least one of these bitches. Feel free to kick them in the shins the next time you see them - shame they don't have balls. In any sense of the word.
Vent now over.