Monday, 31 October 2011

Day 1 update.

I. Am. Clamming.

The Cleanse - Day 1

Having sort of done this cleanse before I have some idea about what to expect. When I say 'sort of done' I mean that I caved before the end. This time I am determined to complete the full 9 days of torture and I am going to catalogue it here for two reasons; so that you may witness the pain, and so that I may feel obliged to complete it for all four of my readers.


So here we go....Day 1. Or more precisely 9.15 am of Day 1 and I am already obsessing about the whole thing. I never eat before 10.30 but now I'm ravenous. Starving. Empty. All I have to look forward to is 4 small drinks of an odious concoction (the cleanse) and again tomorrow. How can a human survive this? Fairly easily actually - loads of people I know do it all the time. They moan about it, mainly because you can't drink alcohol, but they do it 2 or 3 times a year.


I'm on my 3rd cup of tea (which is also banned but I need the tea to survive the lack of everything else).  I can't wait for 'breakfast' which I have to drink whilst holding my nose. It sounds like a crap way to lose weight and it is - but it works. Saying that, if I get half way through this and haven't lost weight I shall, of course, give up and return to my usual happy fat self. 

Thursday, 20 October 2011

Leaf Me Alone

Autumn is here again with its wind, rain and bloody leaves. This year we have a new house and therefore a new garden -  a huge garden by many standards and, of course, it's full of trees. Deciduous trees. I know I moan about this every year but this year is different. Gone has the first year's novelty factor, or the second year's resignation; this year I'm actually scared. I literally have too many trees to count, which equals too many leaves to bear. Too many leaves for a bear to bear.


So my choices for leaf pick up are minimal (do it, or not) but the disposal leaves me, pun intended, with more choices:


- put in bags and have the town hall take them (they do this only twice in Autumn)
- burn them - this is a slow business because they create big, big flames and we have lots of big, big flammable trees around
- mulch them. Mulch basically means leave them. Hurrah.


Unfortunately you have to leave them in the right place which means MOVING them. Back to square one.


The task ahead feels like child birth. You know it's going to hurt but it's inevitable. On the up side I won't lose sleep for the next 10 years.