Wednesday, 30 November 2011

Don't even want to tell you.....

Other than the obvious very sick dog, just about everything that could go wrong, has gone wrong. I have decided that I am hexed - just like you see on Supernatural, my Youngest's current favourite.  I am searching for a small bag of creepy herbs secreted in my house left by a witch or other such non-real person.  If I find them and burn them under a yew tree all bad vibes will leave my life. Apparently.

My near delirious status brought on by sleepless nights filled with piss and stress obviously leads to ridiculous blogs and zzzzzzzz..........


Monday, 28 November 2011

Still sick as a dog......

My dog is still sick. Still peeing. He goes to see his neurologist tomorrow and we have decided to cancel Christmas due to the outrageous cost of vet bills. I told Youngest today that we couldn't afford a tree - she wasn't amused. We have reverted to poorer days - turning off lights, eating aged crap from our freezer....and crime of all crimes....cutting back on wine. I voted for making the kids take cereal to school for lunch but wine rationing won out.

So here I 1.20am....smelling of pee...watching I'm A Celebrity on YouTube......

Thursday, 24 November 2011

Sick as a dog.

I am writing this blog today looking pretty much like I did when I got locked out - with the added attraction of smelling like dog.  Rolf, my dog is sick and needs 24 hour attention - mostly so he doesn't pee everywhere. He's been in a terrible state but is now stable and doped up on steroids. All at the bargain price of $1500 and counting. 

For the last few days I have been sleeping on the sofa with him - of course I use 'sleeping' in the loosest sense of the word. More accurately I should say dozing between pees.  And he is peeing every hour or so because of his medication.  The latest suspect is masticatory muscle myositis - which is an improvement on his first 'diagnosis' of cancer. The $300 blood test will tell us by the end of the week. If it's not that we start all over again. 

So, I'm smelly, tired and worried.  Don't mess with me.

Friday, 18 November 2011

At Least I Wasn't Naked

I got locked out of the house yesterday. Not usually a huge problem but a) I have a sick dog and b) I was bra-less, make-up-less, shoeless and had hair so greasy I didn't want to touch it.
And it was on the day I had to go into the bank for cash and the garage for my car. I suppose if I had to find a silver lining, and I'm stretching here, I did have slippers on so no need to go barefoot. The slippers are brown and furry with pom poms. 

With a sigh I checked my blotchy face, tried to rearrange my hair with my sleeves and drove to the bank. I was half an hour early so decided to go into the chemist next door for some shopping. I ignored the perfectly made up perfume counter girls and shuffled up each aisle wasting time and dodging mirrors. 

Next, the bank. As it was a large withdrawal I couldn't hunch by an ATM; I had to actually go in and deal with a teller who, as it happens, was also perfectly made up. Surprisingly she gave me the money and then I went to the garage - men's world.  I went to the main desk but was then guided through  the workshop full of men doing mechanical things, then through a paint shop full of men painting bits of cars. I could hear my slipper shuffle echoing around the rooms but the only alternative was to lift my knees high and walk puppet-like and, on balance, I thought that might draw more attention. After paying, I then had to do the return journey and just hoped that the sight of my greasy hair distracted them from my too-big, fluffy, pom-pommed slippers.

Not sure what else can happen this week but it can't be good.

Wednesday, 16 November 2011

What an effing week.

Reading back over the Cleanse entries they seem like halcyon days indeed, compared to this week. 

1. I drove our big, gorgeous, expensive car into an industrial bin and scratched and dented it. Horror of horrors. It is now at the garage being fixed ($650).

2. Rolf my dog is sick. So far he has racked up $400 dollars but I fear the real expense will hit when he has x-rays and scans.

3. Car number 2 died this morning. $unknown.

All 3 coming together nicely at the same time. That's my three - no more please.

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

The Final Day

The last day ended in a complete breakdown of my healthy approach attitude. I can only blame myself. I tried to blame others but it didn't wash. The culprit? Wine.

The payback was a day of headaches. 

Final tally - lost 7lbs. Now the trick is to keep it off and get more off. 

Perhaps another cleanse next week............

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

The Cleanse - Day 8

Day 8 began with the re-loss of the offending pound then a crushingly hard spin class - whether this was because I'm eating less or the instructor was feeling particularly malicious, I don't know, but it was an hour of pain.  Then, to be honest, it wasn't bad. I am getting used to it all. I quite like the discipline of knowing what I eat and I really enjoy my meal of the day - more than I used to. 

How long can I keep this going? Well, probably until I have my next glass of wine later this week. As for the shakes - I could survive on them for a while but inevitably they'd get a bit samey after a while. It's a great kick start (I'll let you know how much weight I lost on day 11) and it's actually been really good for my skin too - less dry, although the wrinkles are still there.

Monday, 7 November 2011

The Cleanse - Day 7

Day 7, a.k.a. Sunday was a looonnnng day. I perpetuated the purgatory feeling by sweeping leaves and cleaning gutter so that the lack of food paled a little.  The pound-gaining experience still smarts all day but I remain strong. No wine in the hot tub. No wine sitting round the garden fire. No wine at all. BUT I did have a yummy Sunday lunch. A bit of an anemic lunch, but lunch nonetheless. 

The end is nigh.

Sunday, 6 November 2011

The Cleanse day 5 & 6

Days 5 & 6 are coming together in this blog as I went out last night - for dinner.

Firstly, Day 5 - not too bad for the most part; hungry spells but nothing horrendous.
However, if you are keeping track, Day 5 is also Friday. End of the week. Traditional time for a few glasses of wine with dinner. Husband naturally imbibed - his 'support' ends at listening to me complain about being starving and eating the meagre meals I make him. Not drinking would be close to angelic and he's not quite that.

Day 6 began with a bike ride, spin class and a game of squash. Great start, eh? You'd think. It was followed by an invitation to dinner and a play. The dinner was at a locally famous steak and ribs restaurant. So, surrounded by non-cleanse people eating and drinking delicious things....I had a chicken salad and water.  Later, at the theatre, I went crazy and had a coffee whilst watching a laboriously long play that would drive a Mormon to drink.

And here I am on Day 7. And here is the most important part of this blog - I weighed myself this morning and I'D PUT A POUND ON! I checked my non-existent pockets for lead weights. I stepped off the scales then on again. And again. How the bloody hell could this happen? I haven't cheated one single time for the whole 6 days. 

Perhaps this is a test from God. If so, he's a meanie.

Friday, 4 November 2011

The Cleanse - Day 4

Day 4 was the best so far......busy all day then real food for tea. Never has chicken and sweet potato tasted so good. In fact, I couldn't finish it all, mostly because in my enthusiasm I had given myself a Close Encounters size portion, and perhaps partially as I my stomach has become a little smaller. I picture my stomach as a shrunken head sitting and waiting for food to drop down after days of starvation. I think I heard it squeal with glee when it saw that first mouthful of chicken. Am I talking nonsense? Perhaps I'm delirious.

Anyway - I survived and slept like the dead for the first time since Monday.

Thursday, 3 November 2011

The Cleanse - Day 3

Hurrah and get in! Day 3 means I can eat real food - for one meal at least. I had a nice flank steak ready with some bean salad for dinner. I could hardly wait. But. Then. Husband decided to work at home. The rule (which admittedly I created) is that I go out for lunch with Husband if he works from home or he'll work 14 hours solid. Goodbye Mr Delicious Steak.

Plan B: have lunch at a really nice restaurant and eat something healthily yummy.

We find a nice restaurant, which is no mean feat around here, and get ready to order. Disaster. The ONLY thing vaguely healthy is Spinach salad. Spinach. Leaves that don't even pretend to be lettuce. There was garnish. Mushroom and apple slices. Yum. My taste buds were putting.

Thirty seconds later I was finished. I had coffee for dessert.

Tea was a shake and it was mouthwateringly, yummily fantasmic. Never thought I'd say that.

Can't wait for breakfast.

p.s. don't feel any thinner.

Tuesday, 1 November 2011

The Cleanse - Day 2

I am writing this at 12.20pm as I fear I may fade away by later today.

Day 2 brings proper, grumbly, hunger pangs. Not the pathetic little ones that you get when you drive past McDonalds, but the big everyonecanhear hunger pangs. I am staring at an apple thinking it would be the tastiest thing I had ever had - even nicer than that orgasmic lasagne at The Witchery. But if I eat it now, then I can't have it later. It's actually a ration. Not much of a ration but one I will fight for if necessary. 

I'll mention the gunk I must have 4 times a day (I managed it twice yesterday) - it's vaguely slimy and vaguely fruity and you have a scoop of it mixed with water. I can stomach it, but that's it. Interestingly, and rather grossly, someone I know who finished this last week said it made her crap bile.  Even the thought of that doesn't put me off thinking about food.

Last night as I watched Husband eat his pizza and beans (I had to make something quick and painless - for me) I was OK......had it been pasta or a nice big bowl of chilli I may have struggled more. And if it is pasta or chilli tonight I'll probably kill for it. Actually kill for it. So my dilemma is: 
- do I keep Husband on crap food for the whole period of my cleanse?
- do I push my already crumbling willpower to further extremes which may lead me to implode (itself a good weight-loss method)?
- do I get him to make his own meals after his 12 hour work day?

You can see this is a real dilemma, but I'm too weak to think about it.